"Better Than I Deserve"

My DH and I both retired early to take care of parents, quitting before we were eligible for Social Security. I had a great retirement package as a public school teacher, but my hubby really just quit. Mind you, we're not wealthy people. But I had been working toward retirement for many years, always saving any pay raises I got, and purposefully living below our means, paying off credit cards in full each month and limiting our debt as much as possible. Now, we have DH's SS, and this next year I will be eligible for it, too. I've since inherited my Daddy's estate, part of which we gave to our daughters, so we could enjoy seeing them make good use of it. But there's a good bit in the bank right now, waiting for us to decide how to best invest it for future growth.

Am I bragging? Well, maybe, but really I'm just stating the facts, Ma'am, just the facts.

So, it's been really interesting to listen to the Dave Ramsey show on the radio every morning, as we were living the debt free lifestyle long before we ever heard of his Financial Peace ideas. I can testify that it does pay off.

We both owe our frugal ways to the upbringing of our parents, products of the Great Depression. Fortunately, unlike so many couples, who have succumbed to easily obtained credit cards, payday loans, car title loans, and sub prime mortgages, we always strove to stay out of debt. When we did find it necessary to use credit, we were careful to get the best interest rates and pay everything off just as quickly as possible. We also tithed through almost all our married years, although there were a few times when we didn't - something I'm not the least proud of. That good stewardship of our money left us financially able to quit our jobs and take care of our loved ones. We are both very grateful for that, and wouldn't have had it any other way.

So, if you are one of the many who is carrying a load of credit debt, I would urge you to spend some time listening to the Dave Ramsey show, reading his books, or exploring his website. If you weren't fortunate enough to have had prudent teaching from your parents about how to live within your means, or you just didn't follow their good example, then he may be able to help you live better than you deserve, too.

Taking Care of Business

I'm an only child.

That statement has defined me all my life. It's meant being the center of attention, the object of way too much hovering, being accused of being spoiled whether I was or not, and the one to deal with everything as my parents aged, became ill, and finally died.

I never liked being an only child. I don't think my parents planned it that way, as they had already put in for adoption, before they had me as a "late in life" baby. But like it or not, that's just the way it was.

My parents were wise, in that they saw that things would be tough on me when they got older. After retirement, they pulled up their roots from the home they had lived in since before I was born, and they moved within a block of me in a little rural town that was sooooooo different from the big cities of Birmingham or Chicago that they had always lived in. They made out Wills, leaving everything to me, and making me the executor of their estate. They added me to all their bank accounts, and such, so I could deal with their bills when they could no longer take care of it themselves. They added me to their safety deposit box owners list. And when it became clear that the time was right, they gave me Power of Attorney over all their affairs.

In short, they trusted me, and entrusted me with taking care of them, just as they had always taken care of me. And I did.

Now it's my turn to do the same with our children. We went to the lawyers yesterday, and we started the process of getting our Wills updated to reflect the status of our grown children. Our Wills were so out of date that we still had a guardian listed for them, and an executor who has long since died, plus our lawyer discovered that our Wills had not been notarized, and really needed to be done again, anyway. We made out Power of Attorney's on each other, and named our executor, plus an alternate. We filled out a Living Will and a Health Care Proxy for each of us. We discussed our financial situation with the lawyer, so our children would know what funds to look for when we passed. Just as my parents planned ahead, and made everything as easy on me as they possibly could, my DH and I have tried to make things as easy on our DD's as we can.

It made me very nervous to discuss all this stuff and talk about our financial affairs, but it made me feel good, too. We took care of business.

Doing all this wasn't free, that's for sure, but we've dealt with one set of parent's estate where little of this was done in advance, and I can tell you from personal experience that this is money well spent.

I challenge you to take a serious look at what you have done to make things easier on your children.

Extended Family Thoughts

Our parents are all gone to be in Heaven now, enjoying a wonderful reunion with their spouses. This is a very comforting thought. It's also very comforting that we were able to be with all four in their last moments here on earth. All four were surrounded by their loved ones. So many people don't get to share those moments with their loved ones, so I feel very fortunate to have shared that important time with them.

Don't get me wrong, though. Even in the best of situations, watching a loved one take their last breath is not easy. I really don't know how people who don't have confidence in life after death can deal with it. All our family members have strong Christian beliefs, and we know we will be reunited with them in the future, through the grace of Jesus's death and resurrection. With Easter so close, and Daddy's death so recent, I'm reminded of this gift of grace many times every day.

I realize there are plenty of loving family members who have not been able to keep their loves ones at home, as we were able to do with three of our parents. I don't want to sound like I consider us "better" than those who decide the best decision for their parent's well being is to move them to a Nursing Home or Assisted Living facility. I'm just grateful that we could help them age in place.

In times past, it wasn't nearly as unusual for several generations to live in the same home. Grandparents, Aunts, and Uncles typically were included as part of the nuclear family, providing ready help, advice, and extra loving relationships for the children. They didn't just move in when their own health was ruined, but lived together as strong members of the family unit for many years. I wonder if we will ever see a return to that sort of extended family dynamic in large numbers.

I had to travel all the way to Chicago to see my grandparents, but they were still a strong influence on me as a child. Did you, or do you, live in an extended family?

Estate Sale Suggestion - Not My Usual Kind of Post, But a Word of Advice

If you have anyone in your family who is likely to need home care or special equipment, such as a walker, you really should check out a few estate sales before buying anything brand new. If you know what a good quality piece of equipment looks like, and you've done your homework on what they cost new, you'll be amazed at how cheaply these types of items can be found, when children are trying to empty out their parents' home.

But one thing I would suggest that you might not think to look for, until you actually need it for a loved one, is to be on the lookout for the large sections of artificial fleece that will sometimes show up at such sales. These are extremely expensive to buy new, and it's not unusual to walk away from an Estate Sale with one for just a couple of dollars. They are fantastic, not only underneath a bed ridden person, but also as an under pad in that favorite chair, cushions for elbows and heels, and the perfect soft material to put between knees and ankles. They wick moisture away from the body, are strong enough to act as draw sheets, wash and dry quickly, and can be bleached, if necessary. And when the time comes that you need to change Depends in the bed, they make it very easy to tuck the dirty one under and pull it out without stressing tender skin as much as using just a draw sheet does.